


All I Want For Christmas Is Clark

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-12-20
Updated: 2001-12-20
Packaged: 2017-11-01 12:12:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/356624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lex finds Clark playing Santa. Hilarity (hopefully) ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Want For Christmas Is Clark

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, it's not a fandom without 

## All I Want For Christmas Is Clark

by LexLovesClark

[]()

* * *

Title: All I Want For Christmas Is Clark  
Author: LexLovesClark  
Author Email: lexlovesclark@hotmail.com  
Beta: Theresa  
Category: Holiday, Humor  
Rating: R  
Pairing: Clark/Lex  
Disclaimer: AOL/Time Warner/DC owns   
everything.  
Distribution: List archives  & Theresa's site. All others please ask first.   
Feedback: Feed me! 

Author's some silly holiday fics, right? And for ClarkLex list long-timers, take this a little apology for the still-unfinished "Fathers and Sons." It will be back, complete and better than ever. Dedicated to Theresa, the world's best beta and just a darned awesome human being. 

Summary: Lex finds Clark playing Santa. Hilarity (hopefully) ensues. 

* * *

_Smallville must be the only place on the planet where the malls aren't packed at Christmas_ , Lex Luthor thought to himself as he strolled through the town's retail center. He had stopped in after finishing his day at the plant to take care of a business errand for the home office; Impact Mall was, after all, a LuthorCorp Development property. It wasn't as if the place was deserted, but the throngs of unwashed masses that he had always encountered at Christmastime in Metropolis were oddly, but pleasantly, absent. 

Passing by the various trinket vendors, he slowed at an unexpected sight: Two young women, dressed in bright green, red, and white elf outfits, sprawled on a bench. The one with short blonde hair in a wild flip had her head tilted back and her eyes closed, obviously exhausted. The other young lady with longer, brown hair and vaguely exotic features was noisily slurping a frosty-freeze drink. Both looked amusingly disheveled. Normally he would have chuckled and moved along, but these particular elves were familiar to him: Lana Lang and Chloe Sullivan, the daughter of his plant manager, Gabe Sullivan. 

He sauntered over and smiled sympathetically. "Good evening, ladies. Rough day at the North Pole?" 

Lana smiled at him. Chloe picked her head up and opened her eyes, which widened a little in surprise. "Hello, Mr. Luthor," she said amiably. "You have no idea." 

"Remember, Chloe, it's 'Lex,'" he said. She nodded and smiled. "I'll admit I'm surprised to find you here." 

"It's actually all Chloe's fault," Lana chimed in. The blonde girl gave her a withering look. "She found out that the mall was having trouble finding some volunteers to play Santa and his helpers for pictures with the children, and the managers were thinking about canceling it this year." 

"I just think that Christmas without a mall Santa is a crime against humanity, that's all. Against the laws of nature," Chloe said, trying to justify her actions. "It's not as if I'm some kind of Christmas nazi or anything." 

Lex smiled. Chloe's role as the instigator of the scenario was a particular surprise to him. From Clark's description and his own brief encounters with Chloe, he would not have suspected she had a holiday-oriented aspect to her personality. 

"Unfortunately," Lana continued, "she failed to realize that the 'Pictures with Santa' event is the mall's primary draw and revenue stream for December. We've had a long line of children for the last three days." 

"I don't know how Clark does it," Chloe commented. 

That caught Lex's attention. "Clark's working as an elf?" He suppressed a grin as several wicked images ran through his mind. 

Lana and Chloe exchanged a look, and then refocused on him. "Not exactly," Lana answered, standing and directing his attention further down the corridor to the gaudy area set up for visits and pictures with the Christmas icon. Lex saw two other elven workers, both obviously female, but no sign of Clark. He finally looked at the substitute Claus himself, who was listening intently to a young girl whispering in his ear. 

" _Clark_ is _Santa Claus?_ " he said, unable to keep the surprise and amusement out of his voice. 

Chloe stood up and joined the two, nodding. "And he never takes a break. He's like the Energizer bunny." 

*This is priceless,* he thought to himself. An evil plan formed in his mind. "Oh, this is too good to pass up," he said, turning to the two girls. "Ladies, would you be willing to help me out with something?" 

Lana saw his expression and smiled   
conspiratorially. Chloe's response was more skeptical. Both of them had Lex's number when it came to Clark. Since Clark had abandoned his hopeless pursuit of Lana, both girls had hoped Clark might snap out of his utter cluelessness when it came to his wealthy friend's feelings for him. "I won't be a part of anything that's going to hurt him," Chloe stated flatly. 

Lex looked wounded. "I wouldn't do that Chloe." Then a smile started creeping back across his face. "Embarrass him a little, perhaps, but not hurt him. Never." 

Chloe smiled. "And exactly what would be in it for us?" The two looked at him with innocent-as-virgin expressions. He suppressed a laugh. 

"My eternal gratitude," he answered. When the two failed to react, he upped the ante. "Blackmail material for a lifetime?" he offered. 

The girls looked at each other and began to giggle, then looked back at him. "We're in," Lana told him. 

"Okay, here's what I'm thinking..." 

* * *

_Two more minutes_ , Clark thought as he glanced at his watch. It wasn't that he was in a rush to leave, but he still had his chores to do, as well as a few special errands to run. 

At first he had expected disaster when Chloe had roped him into playing Santa. But after the first day, it had been better, much better, than he had imagined. Sure, there had been the screaming babies and terrified kids and snotty brats. One particularly wild boy had even tried to bite him, and wound up with a chipped tooth for his trouble. But more than not, the children had been well-behaved, sincere, and excited. The pure joy in their faces at the idea of meeting and talking to Santa Claus had transfused him with a happiness that completely blocked his typical propensity for moodiness. 

A few of the children had nearly broken his heart, like the ones that had asked about family members who were sick or had died, and others whose families were having hard times. He had talked with his parents about it, and the Kents had resolved to spend the next few days playing Santa themselves for some of their neighbors. 

He had no choice but to go for the Santa attitude with gusto, though, to try and make up for his costume. The hat with the curly white wig and attached beard fit well enough, but the suit... Even with his mother doing a little altering, he had to be the tallest, skinniest Santa in mall history. There was no way to pad the suit and still have it fit, and he had felt completely ridiculous in the beginning. To his surprise and delight, however, not a single child or parent had remarked on his less-thantraditional appearance. 

Lana and Chloe had returned, allowing Lizzie and Maria to head for the locker room to change and take off for the day. Seeing no one else in line, he let out a small sigh of relief. He plopped down the curly-headed girl from his lap, and she promptly skipped to her parents and began to chatter excitedly. He checked the time again, and smiled at the flashing "9:00 PM." He started to stand, but Lana rushed up and stopped him. 

"Wait! There's one more customer," she told him, putting a hand on his shoulder to make sure he stayed seated. 

"But the mall's closing," he said, looking around. A few of the shops had already pulled their gates down, and the only people still around seemed to be headed in the direction of the exits. 

"This one's special," Chloe commented, and she and Lana exchanged a look and started to snigger. Clark looked from Lana to Chloe in confusion. He could never remember Chloe _giggling_ like that for as long as he had known her. 

He looked over at the entrance to the picture area, and was sure his jaw hit the floor. Lex was standing there, wearing his trademark dark suit and purple shirt, smirking at him. Chloe waved him over. 

"Lex!" Clark exclaimed, his voice cracking. Chloe snorted, and Lana giggled again. "What are you doing here?" 

"What do you think, Santa? I'm here to make sure you know what I want for Christmas," Lex responded, struggling to keep an innocent expression on his face, and failing. 

_What kind of game is he playing?_ "Lex, it's me," Clark told him 

"Oh, I know who you are, Santa. You've been very good to me over the years. I've always gotten exactly what I asked for. So I'm counting on you to come through for me again." 

Clark's eyes narrowed and he looked back at his two friends flanking him. "What's going on?" he asked suspiciously. Lana smiled and a faint blush came to her cheeks. Chloe whistled a few off-key notes and looked around absently. 

"Now you don't want me to pitch a fit, do you, Santa?" Lex prodded. "I've paid my money, and I want my lap time." He walked over to stand in front of Clark. His eyes flitted to the girls, who took the hint and headed towards the camera. "When I give the word," he whispered to Chloe as she passed him, and she nodded slightly. 

Clark looked up at Lex in utter mystification. Lex stood there expectantly, waiting for the young man to do something. Finally Clark looked down at his lap and tried to figure out how Lex would sit, then sat up a little and spread his legs apart. Lex grinned from ear to ear at the sight. Clark motioned with his hands, inviting him to take a seat. Lex moved quickly, turning so that his own legs were between Clark's as he sat. Without thinking, Clark put his arm around Lex's waist to steady him. 

"Well...young man," Clark began haltingly, deepening his voice. "Have you been naughty or nice this year?" 

Lex gave him a deadpan look. "I think you know the answer to that one already." 

"You're not kidding," Clark muttered and pulled at his collar. _Has someone turned the temperature up?_

"Well?" Lex asked impatiently. 

"Oh, yeah," Clark answered, his attention jolting back to Lex. "What should Santa bring you this year?" 

Lex put his arm around Clark's shoulder and scooted in, the side of his body coming into contact with Clark and his thigh pressing up against Clark's groin. He heard Clark gasp a little as he leaned over to whisper into his ear. Lex made sure that he was close enough so that Clark would feel every breath on his skin as he spoke. 

"You see, Santa, there's this young man," Lex began. "He's a good friend, maybe the best friend I've ever had. He's even saved my life." 

"You don't say," Clark said in a soft, strangled voice, shifting in his seat and instantly regretting it. The motion rubbed his groin into Lex's leg, increasing the pressure and causing a very embarrassing reaction. He started to sweat. 

"The problem is that I can't stop thinking about him. He's strong and smart and one of the most gorgeous guys I've ever seen in my life. I get so distracted every time he's around, I can't function. All I can think about is what I'd do if I could get him alone in my bedroom." 

Clark could feel the blood rushing to his face, heat burning his cheeks and ears. He swallowed and choked a little on the saliva, coughing a couple of times. Lex was undaunted. 

"I see myself kissing him, undressing him, running my hands all over him, tasting every inch of his fantastic body. Those strong arms, that chest. Did I mention he has the most astonishing ass? I could talk about those glutes for hours. Sometimes I leave things laying around for him to pick up and carry for me, just so I can admire it." 

_Oh my God, Lex, what are you doing to me?_ Clark's breathing had turned ragged. An involuntary groan escaped from his mouth. 

"Now, I've never actually seen him naked, but that hasn't stopped me from picturing it. From seeing him spread out before me on my bed, anxious and aroused. Taking him in my mouth, licking and sucking him down my throat, driving him over the edge, feeling him come, tasting it...again and again..." 

Everything was starting to swim in front of him. Clark felt like he was going to burst into flames. He continued gasping for air. Lex paused for a minute, and then spoke even more softly as he finished his request. 

"You see, Santa... All I want for Christmas is you." 

Clark thought he was going to faint. 

Lex quickly straightened and scooted down his leg a little. He took at brief look just below Clark's waist and smiled, then turned to Chloe and Lana. "Now, ladies," he said calmly and smiled the most sinful, wicked grin of his life. At first the two girls just stood there, mouths open. They had been part of the plan and witnessed what Lex had been doing, but had not been prepared for the...magnitude...of the response. " _Now, ladies_ ," Lex said again, and Chloe shook her head and hit the button. With a flash, the scene was preserved forever. 

Lex jumped up, rubbing his hands together, and then bent down to look at Clark. He was slumped in the chair, a dazed expression on his face. Lex gave him a quick peck on the cheek, just above the edge of the beard. "Thanks, Santa baby," he said, smiling, and then dashed over to the girls. Clark continued to sit there, unmoving. 

Coming around the counter, Lex looked at the monitor that showed a preview of the photo and started to laugh, even cackle. Chloe watched him, covering her mouth to keep her own laughter under control. Lana just looked stunned. 

The screen showed a smiling Lex sitting on the leg of the most inappropriate, most aroused, and decidedly most _male_ Santa Claus in the history of Impact Mall. 

Lex was beaming. "How long until the prints are delivered?" he asked, unable to tear his eyes away from the picture. 

"I'll put a rush on it," Lana said absently, fascinated by the image as well. "They'll be ready tomorrow." 

"Perfect," he said as he clapped his hands together. "Can I get a copy now?" 

"Sure," Chloe answered, and clicked the mouse a few times. A moment later, she handed him a full-page color copy of the photo. 

He snatched it and laughed a little more. "Do you know where there's a FexEx drop box around here?" 

Chloe pointed down one of the corridors. "There's a bunch of different courier boxes over there. What are you going to do?" 

Lex shrugged a shoulder. "I haven't had a picture of myself taken in a long time. I think Dad would probably like an updated shot." 

Lana gaped, and Chloe burst out laughing. "You are a very twisted man, Lex Luthor," the blonde girl said, smiling and shaking her finger at him. "I knew I liked you. You're going to have to do something pretty incredible to make this up to him," she said a touch more seriously, indicating the catatonic St. Nick. 

"I intend to," he said knowingly, then smiled and started to leave. A thought occurred to him, and he made a sharp swerve back toward Clark. He came up to the young man, who continued to sit and stare into space, and bent down to look in his eyes. "Stop by later," he whispered. "I'll pull out the yule log." He began to straighten, and then bent back down, running his eyes over Clark. "Bring the suit," he whispered, and then sped away in search of an overnight envelope. The two girls watched him head down the walkway. 

"You've ordered me a copy?" Lana asked Chloe. 

" _Oh yeah,_ " she answered. "Doubles. And several for my files." 

The two turned and slinked their way up to Clark. Lana bent down into his line of sight. "Clark?" His eyes were unfocused. She snapped her fingers a few times in front of his face. 

"Huh?" he asked finally. She looked down, and Clark followed her gaze. He was still...very excited. " _Oh my God!_ " he yelped and grabbed the hat off of his head, dropping it into his lap. Chloe clapped her hand over her mouth and laughed, while Lana giggled uncontrollably. Neither of them had ever seen Clark blush that deeply. 

"The two of you will pay for this," he swore, trying to sound outraged but not really pulling it off. No matter how mortified he was, the two girls were still his friends. He stood and stalked off in the direction of the locker room. Holding her stomach, Lana sat down on the chair, while Chloe fell to the floor and laughed uncontrollably, tears running down her face. 

* * *

Clark finished tying his shoelace and stood up from the locker room bench. He slung his backpack over his shoulder, and looked at the red and white outfit hanging from a hook in the locker. A smile slowly spread across his face. 

He looked up and down the aisle, and listened for a minute. Not a creature was stirring. 

He slipped his pack down and opened it. Grabbing the outfit, he stuffed it into the backpack and quickly closed the locker. He tried to wipe the smile off his face and put on an innocent expression, but he couldn't do it. His thoughts were too wicked. 

As he headed out of the room, he noticed the song playing over the mall's speakers. It was his new favorite, he decided, and started to sing along with Mariah. 

I don't want a lot for Christmas,  
There's just one thing I need.   
I don't care about presents,   
Underneath the Christmas tree.   
I just want you for my own,   
More than you could ever know.   
Make my wish come true...   
All I want for Christmas   
Is you... 

**~ END ~**


End file.
